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Daily Prompt: Pink

How the colors I wear reflect my personal growth.

For a period of my teenage-hood I was very particular about the colors I would wear. If the colors I adorned my body with directly related to how people thought of me, then that black sweatshirt on black skinny jeans and black Converse shoes ensemble was the best way to indicate that I was cool.

As a result of this desperate need to not look like the

old selfie
An old selfie for you, brought to you by a 2012 slide phone and chunky eyeliner. This was actually a light makeup look for me at the time.

norm at my school, soft colors were out. Instead, my chosen outfits heavily relied on black, on neon greens, pinks, and oranges, and on deep reds and purples. My clothing became a barrier between myself and the people around me.

 

I embraced the fact that I had always been known as a quiet person and kept to myself unless my few close friends were around, earbuds in and bent over a notebook, doodling. I just hoped that people took my silence to mean that I was cool and edgy and didn’t need their conversation, though the reality was that I was too socially anxious to approach groups of people and attempt to participate in conversation, and they just thought I was a weirdo.

I have grown in many ways since that era of my life, though I still am quite shy when forced to talk to more than one person at a time and I still wear Converse sneakers almost every day. My clothes remain a key part of who I am, because like most of us, I find joy in expressing myself through them. Today though, they are not adorned as a social barrier. Rather than the thick layers that hid my body and harsh traffic-cone colors that made people literally cautious to approach me, I now wear soft colors.

current selfie
2017 me is better at eyeliner and finding my light.

I wear dusty pinks, heather grays, and sky blues, all an invitation to start a conversation with a person who’s continuously working to overcome her timidness in an effort to let people know she loves to chat and makes a loyal friend. It took a few years, but I finally learned two things: shutting yourself off from the world for the sake of your anxieties harms both yourself and the people who haven’t gotten the chance to know you and people who feel the need to dress ‘cool’ are never actually cool.

via Daily Prompt: Pink

 

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Prompt: “Perfume”

via Daily Prompt: Perfume

As a child, I liked to play with my grandmother’s perfumes. During lulls in playtime, I would pad into the bathroom and climb up onto the toilet seat to reach for the shimmering bottles in the upper cabinet, taking turns holding the containers to my nose and considering their scents. Grandma would warn me against using the more expensive smells, the amber liquids sloshing around in glass bottles as I handled them carefully. I would run my fingers over the smooth glass and place them gently back on the shelf, instead reaching for the plastic spray bottles of body sprays and the tiny free samples she’d collected over time.

Brushing the dust off the nozzles and carefully lining the bottles up on the beige counter top, I would mix these inexpensive fragrances, tipping arbitrary amounts into their bottles as if I was a scientist in a lab who had perfected the art of perfumery. After achieving what was to my youthful mind, a perfectly ladylike scent, I would spritz my wrists with the dark liquid like I had seen my grandma do so many times before we left for church. In the end, I would always emerge from the guest bathroom smelling not unlike a reject bin at a Bath & Body Works store.

I would parade around the house on my bare feet, a toothy smile stretched across my face and pushing my freckles around, feeling like the epitome of a proper lady in my fancy new perfume.